You Return
by RainbowgasmWriter
Summary: Ichijo comes back to the group, hoping to make up with his lover- Senri Shiki; but Shiki doesn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. Ichijo tries desperately to atone. Ichijo x Shiki Shounen-ai, I DONT OWN THE CHARACTERS!


"Hey everyone! Guess who's back?" Aidou's annoying voice broke through our conversations in Kaname's livingroom. Everyone turned their heads in his direction to see who it was.

"Hello everyone... I'm terribly sorry for all the trouble I've caused as of late, but I'm hoping now that it's all over... we might become friends again?" I knew that voice. It was the voice of the one who promised to return to me, but instead went to the side of that evil blond bitch Sara Shiribuki; breaking my heart.

'No one is going to forgive him. He's crazy!' however, even as I thought this, I was glad I was facing away from the door, because I know the instant I look in his eyes- I will fall for him again. I loved him that much.

To my surprise, Kaname smiled; walking over to the door. "Ichijo, I'm glad to see you. I understand what you've been through lately wasn't easy, and I hope you do not resent purebloods for it."

"Of course not Kaname! While I DO now harbour an unusual fear of blonds... including my own reflection in the mirror, I have come out of this rather unscathed when you look at the situation." He sounded cheerful, and it hurt me even more.

"Well then, I shall see to it that Aidou dye his hair green." I could tell Kaname was smirking.

Aidou immediately responded with what everyone expected, "Will do Kaname-sama!"

Zero was the next to greet him, smacking Aidou in the head on the way by, "He was kidding baka!" he stopped walking, "I know we never really got along all that well before this, so I can't really say I'll be your friend again, since I wasn't even your friend to start with but... As you probably herd, situations have changed and while I'm still not entirely sure about trusting vampires... I know I can trust everyone here... even you..."

THAT shocked me, 'Even Zero is forgiving him? But he BETRAYED us!' my hands tightened into fists in my lap. 'He betrayed ME! After everything we'd been through together, he just LEFT and helped HER! How could they forgive him?' I wanted to cry and scream and kick him SO bad!

One by one the others went up to greet Ichijo, every one of them accepting him back as if nothing had happened; even Rima. Even my BEST FRIEND, who had witnessed all my pain-, did not hesitate to welcome him with open arms.

In all my anguish, I forgot that he could probably see me sitting there until, "S-shiki?" my heart stopped at the sound of him calling out to me.

'I want to look at him, I want him to hold me...' now even my own thoughts were betraying me.

There was a silence until Rima spoke softly, "Shiki, don't you want to welcome Ichijo-san back?"

I could feel everyone's eyes on me and I was frozen for a moment before I shook my head. "No." My voice came out far more feeble then I'd wanted it to.

I couldn't see the way Ichijo's face fell; the way his skin paled or the way his eyes dulled at my single syllable.

"But Shiki..." Aidou started, but someone must have given him a look because he stopped. Everything was still, and silent.

Kaname was the next to speak, "Shiki, I thought you were the one who missed Ichijo the most... This is what I LEAST expected when he returned... I thought you would be the first to the door..."

"Why would I want to be the first to greet that traitor?" my voice was harsh and thick with unshed tears. "I don't ever want to see him again..." I stood and ran to the room I was staying in. "I HATE HIM!" I shouted as left. But it was all a lie, I wanted to see him; I just couldn't... It would hurt too much; I don't hate him... I love him more than life itself, but he'd hurt me beyond healing. Rima once said that I needed to learn to love myself more; and now I was. I deserve better than him... 'But I don't want any better... I want him...' I slammed my door shut and collapsed onto the bed, sobbing.

My words hit Ichijo hard, and he fell to his knees. "H-he h-hates me?" he couldn't stop the tears that started to flow.

"No, he doesn't..." Kaname laid a hand on his best friend's shoulder, "but he IS hurt... I knew he was upset but... I never expected," he motioned to the door, "that..."

"You should go talk to him..." Zero spoke again, "without the rest of us around..."

Ichijo nodded, "Where do you think he went?"

"His room most likely." Rima responded. "It's the third on the left upstairs..."

"Thanks," Ichijo smiled a little, wiping his eyes and sniffling before heading to the room.

I heard his soft knock on my door a moment later, "Shiki... Please... just let me explain a few things?" his voice was pleading, and my broken heart throbbed.

"Why should I?" I called through the door; it was obvious in my voice I'd been crying.

There was silence for a moment before his soft, sad voice responded, "I don't know... You have every right to hate me...but don't you also have the right to know what happened? I don't expect you to forgive me, but I still want you to know why I did what I did..."

I knew he was right, I did want to know. I really did; so I unlocked the door and opened it, being careful not to look at him. "Why? Why did you break your promise to me?"

"We'd better sit down, this is going to take a while..."

I nodded and moved aside so he could enter the room, taking a seat on my bed while he sat in the chair a few feet from it. I still refused to look at him, but it wasn't doing much good because I could feel his presence and smell his sweet scent and they were both threatening to undo me.

"Okay," he let out a long, shaky sigh. "At the end of my battle with my grandfather, I was left unconscious. Sara was the one that found me... I woke up in her manor... She had her servants nurse me back to full health, and just when I was healed and about to leave; she asked me to become her soldier." He took a deep breath.

"Why did you accept?" I knew I sounded hurt.

I could hear the sadness in his voice again, "I didn't..."

I finally looked up at him, my heart jumping in my chest. "What do you mean?"

"I told her I wasn't going to help her with her selfish cause..."

"But then why did you...?" I was getting defensive.

"To protect you..." his eyes were sincere, painfully so.

"Protect me?" my voice held a slight venom.

"She threatened you..." his eyes looked horribly pained as he said that.

"Threatened... me?"

He nodded, "She told me that if I didn't become her soldier, she would find the person who means the most to me, and she would force me to watch as she tortured and killed them..." a few tears slipped from his eyes as he recited her words, "So I wouldn't decline my offer if I were you- or even THINK about being Kaname's 'spy' because if you even so much as let anyone know you're unhappy here- that little redhead; Senri Shiki? Is a dead man... and you will have to watch- helplessly- as I let my guards beat him, rape him, and then drain every last drop of life from his little body..." he was trembling by the end, holding back sobs. "I couldn't let that happen..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't! She would have killed you!"

"But it was killing me anyways!" I raised my voice. "Do you have ANY idea how much it hurt? To see you on HER side, looking like nothing in the entire world was wrong with it?" I was crying again, "To have you look at me like I meant NOTHING to you?"

"And YOU don't think it was killing ME to act like that?" he raised his voice too, "Everytime I saw you ALL I wanted to do was hold you! I wanted to take you and RUN to some place she would never find us- but I knew that no such place existed... You think your life was hell? Well mine was too!"

"I..."I broke off, I didn't know what to say to that. "I didn't understand what was going on... I was so confused..." I was breaking down. "At least you knew what was happening! I had no idea! I-I just thought you didn't love me anymore... Or that it had been a lie from the start..."

"Shiki..." he was in front of me now, on his knees, his fingers tilting my chin up to meet his tortured green eyes. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I could have done... not without losing you forever... and I could never bear that..." his voice dropped painfully at that last part.

I started to shake, and suddenly, all I wanted was his warm, strong arms around me. I didn't have to wait long as he enveloped me in a tight embrace; I immediately clutched him back. "I love you... I love you..." I sobbed into his shoulder, sliding to the floor with him so we could be pressed as close as possible.

"I love you too... so, so, so much..." he held me tighter, one hand tangling in my hair to hold my head to his shoulder; pressing his cheek to the top of my head- I could feel the wetness of his tears on my scalp.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier... I-I was just confused... and hurt..." I clutched onto him tighter.

"I know, I know... It's alright..." he soothed, stroking my hair.

"And Ichijo?"

"Yeah?"

"I forgive you..."

He pulled back to look me in the face, "Shiki you don't have to!"

I shook my head, "But I do... I can't say that I forgive and forget, because I won't ever forget this- I don't WANT to, but I can forgive..."

"Shiki..." he was tearing up again, but I know this time it was from tears of relief. "Thank you..."

I smiled a very small smile before reaching up to stroke his cheek, "Kiss me..."

He instantly complied, pressing his lips to mine in a sweet, gentle, loving kiss.

Several hours later, as we lay bare under the covers; his arms around me, body pressed tight against mine as he slept, I stroked his hair out of his eyes, smiling softly to myself. 'I don't want him to forget this either, because then he'll never forget me... And he'll never be able to leave me... Being so madly and deeply in love with him... I won't ever love like this again...' I almost laughed. I'd been reading WAY too much Junjou Romantica... but it was true...


End file.
